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It is believed that it is necessary to help people and do good to them. But in fact, most of us are waiting for reciprocal help and good. And this situation sometimes turns into significant problems for the “responding” side.

Unwanted guests

Somehow my English tutor complained. It turned out that somehow he and his son were resting in the south, and the administrator checked them into the hotel, breaking some rules. Either someone else’s reservation was given to them, or something else ... It was in the early 90's.

The woman was so grateful that she left her address and phone number “kind” to the administrator. Just in case. And what do you think? The following summer, that lady called her and asked if she and her sister could stay with her for several days in Moscow? It was inconvenient to refuse - after all, my tutor received a serious service from her! And then for three days he and his son had to endure two corpulent ladies who arrived in the capital of our country for shopping in their cramped "underpants".

Awaiting inheritance

Another example. I have a close friend who lives in another city. Very far. And in Moscow, she has a distant relative who bequeathed her apartment to her family. But he bequeathed, as it turned out, not just like that, but on the condition that they periodically visit him and provide some kind of support. Either put new windows, then a door, or plumbing ... Of course, everything is at your own expense.

Each such trip as a result costs relatives of 100-200 thousand. But the will can be rewritten or challenged in court! Moreover, the relative has a son (though he is in a bad relationship with him) and two granddaughters.


Recently, I accidentally met a friend of mine, and she told me that her second cousin’s husband had been living at home for two months now. He came from somewhere in the Ryazan region, where he was either poor at work, or paid little. And he is an installer by profession. So he and his wife decided that the husband would go to Moscow and look for a well-paid job there, then he would rent an apartment, and when he got settled, his wife would come to him. In order not to spend money on renting an apartment, while I did not find a job, we agreed with a relative.

And what? The man found work, but so far it seems that the salary has not been paid. As a result, he does not give the landlady an apartment for a dime, he buys products only for himself, and then he rarely, and more often eats, what the landlady prepares. That is, she sits on her neck and is not going to move out.

I asked why she suffers this. The woman replied that their family went to rest for the same second cousin for several years in a row. And she also fed them there, watered and did not take money. Therefore, to refuse a request to settle a relative's husband is a black ingratitude.

Support Fee

And finally, the last. Left without a permanent job, I turned to the editor of a publication with whom I was collaborating at that time with the question of whether there would be any options for me. He could not offer a job in the state, but he began to periodically give me part-time editing. And I had to work every time in time pressure mode, and the amounts paid were very modest ...

In general, the work turned out to be much more than was promised at the very beginning. Moreover, as it turned out, the editor did not pay me extra for the articles that I wrote at his request. When I raised these questions, I heard in response that I ... did not appreciate what he was doing for me. Like, he decided to support me, gives me work and so on. That I honestly, without days off and holidays, plowed at him, not a word was said ...

Honestly, I immediately got sick to cooperate with this person, although I need money. Because I don’t like it when they remind me that I owe something to someone.

But this incident made me wonder: is it worth accepting help if you don’t know what a person will ask for then, what will you have to pay for?

Good for good?

I have friends who basically refuse any help, probably because they don’t want to end up in debt. People are sometimes willing to disinterestedly help the elderly, the sick, the disabled, but if we are talking about a healthy able-bodied person, they often think that they have the right to ask for a response service. And do not hesitate to recall the "good" done.

In school years, I had a girlfriend from a large family. They lived poorly, and she got into the habit of going to dinner with us. I had one with my parents ... This went on for three years. And then she left me. I found other girlfriends with whom she was apparently more interested. And she even stopped talking to me.

Thirty years have passed. We sometimes meet, but she still noticeably strains at the sight of me. I think because she remembers that situation and she is embarrassed. Since she was unable to repay anything for the "good" done to her.

Yes, Bulgakov’s Woland was right a thousand times when he said to Margarita: “Never ask for anything!” And especially those who are stronger than you. " And not only because "they themselves will offer everything and they themselves will give everything." But because you don’t know what they may ask you in return.

If you are not able to refuse someone else's help, then figure out how you will "pay". Maybe gifts. Maybe with money ... Or maybe immediately offer some kind of response service? In order not to fall into a situation when you are asked about something too burdensome. As they say, debt is red by payment ...